Musings of a fool-time mom

By Nym Dayday

 

I’M NNOT as well-known as the other storytellers here so I’m going start the story by introducing myself: I’m a fool-time mother (we’ll get to that) who plays too much with myself (figuratively speaking, unfortunately).

I’ve been told that I’m good looking and entirely stupid when it comes to math so to overcompensate for my good looks, so I became a smart mouth. I’m a mother of two boys, with my husband deciding that he’s the eldest when the first legit baby came out. Thirteen months later and I’m still breastfeeding both. You can’t even begin to comprehend how challenging that is when one likes to do it in public and the other one in private.

I’ve computed our total savings for 13 months-worth of breast feeding and it’s around PHP 55,000. My husband would’ve felt that P55,000 savings if it weren’t for the frequent Shopee, Zalora and BeautyMNL folks dropping by at home and giving me that twinge of excitement every time they do.

Before motherhood, I was a ballsy woman who was the youngest in the management position, confidently earning millions for the company I worked for. I didn’t expect anything in return except for recognition and the 15-30. I was married to an unbelievably good-looking man that on the course of our relationship, I have asked myself several times whether he’s gay. I mean he’s too good to be true: he dresses well, intelligent, neat and religious — either he’s gay or my standards before he came in my life was beyond shitty in comparison.

Three years married and God has decided that our financial statement has met his requirements so he gave us a baby: and so he gave us Cesar Nate.
Without hesitation, I agreed to quit my job to become a full-time mother.. and oh what a fool I was! We mutually agreed that after a year of taking care of the baby, I will get back on the career world like nothing happened.

But you know what they say: “Man plans and God laughs.”

Motherhood is a walk in the park, sure. If you are talking about Jurassic Park then yes, sure! You’d get to be shat, vomited, peed on and you are expected to be joyful about it. Fool-time mother meant no yaya and no maid (whatever the difference between the two is). Moreover, in parenting you are required to have a lot of skills such as basic accountancy and financial management.

As a fool-time mom, no one tells you how lonely it can be despite available avenues like FaceTime and the like. People expect you to love your minion all the time when in reality, there are far too many times to count that I want to be as far away from him as possible.

I have to let this excess energy out through this story — faking my death is impossible when I’m relying on my husband’s at the moment for everything, so I’ve decided to enumerate life lessons that’s applicable to everyone who’s barely surviving like me:

1. Sometimes, there are no nexts.
2. You have to know if it’s romantic excitement or UTI.
3. With great power comes great electricity bills.
4. Your life changes when you say YES more often.
5. If there’s an opportunity for you to be kind, seize it!

I didn’t think I should feel this way, so I sought for professional intervention. I made an appointment with a psychologist who told me that I suffered hysteria which translates to 1. I have an uncontrollable emotion which gives me stress, and 2. I have a wandering uterus and I was incredibly jealous of it right now, because it wanders without my consent and it wanders more than I do since I’m trapped with a bawling baby 24/7.

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