Ahhh, Brrateeslaavaaaaaah (First of Two Parts)

Michael-Karlo-LimMichael Karlo Lim
Pornografeed

WASN’T Brastislava one of the shooting locations for the guts-and-gore movie, Hostel? Perhaps it was that factoid that had me wrapped in a sense of foreboding or maybe it was the Adult of the Corn driving our rental van. Funny, his name was Michael, too. Our jampacked Vienna schedule had us all nodding to his dated playlist through the hour and a half long ride. Apparently, Michael learned to rock.

We checked into the Apollo Hotel and left shortly to make the most of the overnight trip. Located between the old town and the business district, the hotel was a brisk twenty minute walk in either direction but the spoiled group piled into Mercedez-Benz taxis to speed to the town square.

Touchdown Bratislava
Touchdown Bratislava
Man at Work
Man at Work

In ten degree weather with frequent rain showers, we began the tour with Zmrzlina’s ­— the Slovakian equivalent of gelato, and began to lose the ability to appropriate distribution of vowels in our speech. A dozen flavors included classics like Lemon, the clichéd Bubblegum and the adventurous but very spot-on Red Bull.

I jokingly refer to Cebu as the city where streets have no sidewalks but downtown Bratislava beats us with actual stone brick-paved, free-for-all narrows that even squeeze in outdoor seating for cafes and restaurants. What are even more amazing are their bigger roads that host pedestrian, private vehicle and public transport traffic including road level trams.

Zmrzlina’s
Zmrzlina’s
Old Timer
Old Timer

Ten Euros got us a seat on the Old Timer, a tour bus specially designed to mimic a vintage motor coach. From the Slovak National Theater and Slovak Philharmonic, we pulled out along the banks of the Danube. Church upon beautiful church breaking for the postmodernist inverted pyramid of the Slovak Radio Station. There was also the Presidential Palace, the ancient City Wall and other remarkable sites culminating in a stop at the hilltop Bratislava Castle with a spectacular view of the entire Little Big City.

We had more Zmrzlinas on our return to the heart of Bratislava where we hopped on a smaller Old Timer to go through the cobblestoned streets and alleys of the Old Town. On the expansive Main Square stands the Roland Fountain, the city’s oldest. Legend has it that at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s, the statue at the very top spins and those who see it will be granted their most earnest wishes.

Dark Chocolate Zmrlina
Dark Chocolate Zmrlina
Statue of Roland
Statue of Roland

The van meandered almost impossibly through the barely car-width alleys to take us along St. Martin’s — the coronation cathedral of Hungarian kings, St. Clare’s Church, the last remaining well-preserved town gate of St. Michaels, the popular Venturska Street and the be-all-and-end-all Executioner’s House. Aside from offing heads, he was in charge of the city’s sanitation (disposing of consumer byproducts along with the human bodies, why not?) as well as the city’s brothel. Imagine that.

Charles IV at Bratislava Castle
Charles IV at Bratislava Castle

(To be continued…)

* All photos by Michael Karlo Lim. For more photos, go to www.pornografeed.wordpress.com or www.facebook.com/michaelkarlo.

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